Thanks to rapid advances in computing technology, what once required a priest sitting in a broom closet can now be handled with modern efficiency thanks to the power of the internet. 

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Just fill out the form at right with your deepest, darkest transgressions, and with the push of a button receive the soul-cleansing absolution you so richly deserve.

 

No further action required. Say a Hail Mary if it makes you feel better, but please know it has no bearing on your final afterlife destination.

 

Don't worry. Your secret's safe with us.