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CONFESS-A-TRON 5000

Thanks to rapid advances in computing technology, what once required a priest sitting in a broom closet can now be handled with modern efficiency thanks to the power of the internet. 

Just fill out the form at right with your deepest, darkest transgressions, and with the push of a button receive the soul-cleansing absolution you so richly deserve.

 

No further action required. Say a Hail Mary if it makes you feel better, but please know it has no bearing on your final afterlife destination.

 

Don't worry. Your secret's safe with us.